So Much Loss

It's been a horribly gray, rainy and dismal few days here. As I write this the rain is pouring, the wind is shaking the trees and the day really couldn't get any more gray.
I have no desire to give in to the general depressive mood of the weather or the latest, or oldest, happenings surrounding my research. But something was very clear to me today and I hope that everyone remembers it or at least uses it as a vantage point when thinking about the two murders that have sometimes shown points of similarity or intersection on this blog.

I can watch the rain fall outside my window, feeling warm and cozy inside my house, knowing that as soon as this weather pattern passes, there will be clear, crisp sunny Fall days. Days I can enjoy picking out pumpkins, buying fresh apple cider and decorating for Halloween.
I know that despite the effect the "flu" and bronchitis have had on our schedules and work the past two weeks, we can catch up and get back to our routine.
I know that I can decide what to have for dinner tonight, and I can have that dinner with my son.
I can pick up the phone and call my daughter and ask about her day.
I just walked out to my kitchen and poured a fresh hot cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee.....
And no matter how much he may bristle and look at me as if I've lost my ever-lovin' mind, at any time I can hug my six-foot tall son and give him a huge kiss on the cheek......

Mrs. Roseboro can't hug her son anymore. Ever.
The Roseboro kids can't curl up in the family bed with their Mom and Dad and watch a great movie.
Mike Roseboro can't choose what he'll have for dinner tonite.
And he can't have a cup of coffee whenever the mood hits him.
Jan Roseboro can't wrap her arms around her children and kiss them till they squirm and wiggle.
Little Master Roseboro can't ever outrun or outlive the scandal of his name.
The Funk girls can't outrun their maternal heritage and the fallout no matter how undeserved it will be to place it on their heads.
Jan's sister can't pick up the phone and tell Jan what she just heard or saw on the tv.
Sam can't talk to his Dad about sports. Or his dreams. Or his fears as he grows into being a man.
Mr. Roseboro can't pat his son on the back after a job well done.
Can you imagine getting ready for your upcoming college graduation and trying to explain to your friends why your Mom and Dad aren't there? Or why they haven't been in the four years that you've been in school?
Can you imagine standing at the narthex or nave of the church on your wedding day with out either your Mom or Dad there, because of the circumstances involved in this tragedy?
Or handing your newborn, their grandchild to them shortly after the blessed birth....you can't. Your Mom is gone and your Dad is a convicted murderer.
There isn't one moment in any of their lives that will go unstained and unmarred by the selfish acts of two soulless creatures. And they ruined all of these lives for what?


I don't know at any given moment who my hearts breaks more for.
There are so many people who have lost so much.
My heart breaks least for Mike. He chose his path.
But even taking a minute to think about what he really is experiencing at this very moment in a penitentiary is a sobering and scary thing.
So the sorrow for him is generic. It's a sadness that anyone would feel for someone who had it all and not only threw it away but did all he could do to kill it and ruin it, not just for himself but for everyone in his world.
As a Mom, my heart breaks for his parents. They did nothing to suffer the ultimate heartbreak.
As a daughter, my heart breaks for Jan's kids. They went to sleep and their world disappeared.
Totally. And no matter what we feel about the crime or about Mike, they lost their Dad too.
The love of a child for their Mom and Dad is boundless. It may take the rest of their lives to come to terms with this tragedy. And maybe they never will.
That's not for us to say or even comment on. They have the right to believe whatever gives their hearts and minds peace.
Jan's family has acted as angels, doing not just the right thing but the RIGHT thing for Jan's kids.
And then, there's little Master Roseboro. And that is who that little baby is, and will be, no matter what name his mother scribbles on a piece of paper.
How you could condemn a child to a life of scandal and innuendo is beyond our comprehension.
Anyone that has lived in southeastern PA knows that unless he moves out of state, sooner or later, his story is going to be found out.
It just goes that way.
I pray that karma does indeed exist for what two selfish adults did to that poor little baby.
Perhaps he will live a life of respect and duty that will make us all realize that in the horrible tragic circumstances that surrounded his conception, there is light. Maybe he is destined for great things. I hope so. But most of all, I pray that he is allowed to live peacefully, without torment and whispers.
There is so much anger still in the air. It's not as overt these days. But it's there.
No one has forgotten. They never will.
But it's clear that you can't make a person feel sorry for the horrible things they've chosen to do.
And each and every step in the trail that led to Jan's murder was a choice.
Mike physically killed Jan. But he was also manipulated. Clearly he has issues. And he lost his mind over a filthy affair. And a predator saw him coming.... saw his wallet too.
I rarely make comments anymore about the Roseboro murder and the filth surrounding it.
There's no need. Plenty of people are making their feelings known every day right there in Denver. Right on Walnut Street.
And we can all talk till we're blue in the face. And Angie will never be sorry or take responsibility for her role in this. Mike will remain in denial. I guess that's a good thing now that he's seeing what the 'big house' really means.
Angie crawled back under the roof of security. Out of love? Give me a break.
She hedged her bets. But she won't win in the end. She has to go to bed being Angie.
And she has to wake up being Angie too.
And some day, there will be a 35 year old man standing in front of her, tears in his eyes, asking her one very important question......
"How could you?"
My guess? She won't ever be able to tell him the truth.



Even if the ultimate outcome would not be in their favor, I wish that Jan's family would file suit against any and all parties connected with her death. Just to make them all take the stand and face society again and tell everyone what they did, what they said.
Let every last little filthy detail become part of the civil record. So that years from now, anyone can read it and learn the full, complete truth. And no matter the civil verdict, everyone could then make up their own minds about just what role everyone played in the brutal murder of Jan Roseboro. It doesn't require guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.
Just a preponderance of the evidence. That could be a very interesting outcome.